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Attachment is a type of connection that you form during the beginning of life—usually with a parent or caregiver. As you get older, your attachment evolves through factors like your environment, peers, and romantic relationships. In adulthood, your attachment style influences how you relate to others, the relationships you form, and how secure (or insecure) you feel in bonds with other people.
In most cases, people have either a secure attachment style or one of three types of insecure attachment—which include avoidant, anxious, and disorganized attachment. Experts estimate that about two-thirds of kids have a secure attachment style, but this number drops to one-third in children who experience systemic disadvantages, abuse, discrimination, and violence.
Having an insecure attachment style can cause a variety of challenges in your relationships, making it difficult to sustain important bonds with others. Despite any troubles you may face, you can still live a happy and healthy life with the right support.
Types of Insecure Attachment Styles
There are three main types of insecure attachment styles, which include:
Avoidant attachment: People with avoidant attachment tend to experience some difficulty with intimacy and close relationships, especially because they prioritize maintaining their independence and autonomy.3
Anxious attachment: Those with anxious attachment (sometimes also known as ambivalent attachment) experience trouble forming deep, committed relationships with other people. Part of the issue comes from a fear or anxiety that the other person will break off the relationship with them or does not want to spend time with them.
Disorganized attachment:
Folks with disorganized attachment often display inconsistent and unpredictable behaviors in their relationships. Many believe this type of attachment style is influenced by early childhood trauma that created an inability to develop healthy relationships.
Signs of Insecure Attachment
The signs of insecure attachment will be based on the type of attachment you have or most relate to. Regardless of which type of insecure attachment style you have, you’ll likely experience some changes in your behaviors that can affect your relationships.
Avoidant Attachment Signs
If you have an avoidant attachment style, you may display or notice the following behaviors:
Working hard to be independent in your relationships to avoid any kind of dependency on a partner
Keeping yourself at a distance from your partners by giving excuses
Believing that emotional intimacy is not desirable or possible
Suppressing vulnerable thoughts and emotions
Finding it difficult to trust others
Denying your need for closeness
Being emotionally unavailable
Anxious Attachment Signs
Having an anxious attachment style can make you exhibit the following behaviors and beliefs:
Fearing that your partners may leave or abandon you
Having intense anxiety about your relationships
Appearing heavily invested in your relationships
Craving more emotional intimacy with your partner
Internalizing negative thoughts or self-talk
Questioning your self-worth
Watching diligently for signs that your partner is pulling away, even if they aren’t
Feeling underappreciated in your relationships
Experiencing less satisfying or fulfilling relationships
Disorganized Attachment Signs
The following behaviors can manifest with a disorganized attachment style:7
Displaying a hostile or helpless approach to relationships
Being inconsistent with your partner
Wanting to be close sometimes and wanting distance other times, making your desires confusing for your partner
Experiencing difficulties with being vulnerable with your partner
Having trouble regulating your emotions
Feeling anxious in your relationships at some points while being avoidant in your relationships during others
What Causes Insecure Attachment?
Researchers theorize that your attachment style is formed during your early years based on how you were cared for, the consistency of the care you received, and how the love you experienced (or lack thereof) affected you overall. These early experiences help shape your attachment style and can follow you into adulthood.
That said, environmental factors may also play a role in the development of your attachment style. For instance, some researchers suggest that living in a low-income neighborhood, having a single-parent home, experiencing mental health concerns, or undergoing trauma at an early age can also influence your relationship attachment.
But, it’s worth noting that your attachment style is not set in stone. It can change based on your relationships with other people and how they affect you, especially as you get older.
So, even if you had a secure attachment style in childhood, you can develop an insecure attachment style later in life—especially if you have negative or hurtful experiences with others. Meanwhile, people with insecure attachment styles growing up can also develop into securely attached adults, especially if they have a partner that meets their needs of security or consistency.10
Smith-Etxeberria K, Corres-Medrano I, Fernandez-Villanueva I. Parental divorce process and post-divorce parental behaviors and strategies: Examining emerging adult children’s attachment-related anxiety and avoidance.